Yvan comments regularly on the blog and routinely poses profound questions that I am compelled to answer, to wit:
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
Answer: Don't ask me - ask ME.
If it's true we're here to help others, what are others doing here?
Answer: They were cloned by Raelians to undermine our sexual morals. Still waiting for my turn.
Why do we sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when we're already there?
Answer: I don't know about you, but I sing it on the off chance that eventually, a complete stranger will in fact buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Answer: He was stricken with Alopecia areata barbae. (Thank you, Wikipedia).
Q: There are 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Answer: No more so than that it only takes me five minutes to smoke a nickel bag.
If we yelled at our plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled or insecure?
A: Goddamit, I'm watching the game. Ask your mother.
No need to thank me. It's all a public service.