Friday, January 29, 2010


I now have two blogs - this one and the Montreal Gazette blog - and it hasn't taken long for the two to overlap, because I wanted to share the Andre Dawson piece posted here yesterday with Gazette blog readers who might have missed it. However, in this era of intellectual property rights, I also thought it best to play it safe from a legal perspective, so I've decided to sue myself for copyright infringement. The following is a transcript of the courtroom exchange between LM (lawyer me), DM (defendant me) and JM (Judge me):

LM: Can I state my name for the record?

DM: Ted Bird.

LM: And how long have I been blogging?

DM: I guess about two weeks now.

LM: Am I being financially compensated?

DM: That's none of my business.

LM: Objection!

JM: Overruled. Whether or how much I earn from blogging is only relevant if I'm found liable for damages from theft of intellectual property, and that hasn't been established.

LM: Did I come up with the title "Bird Droppings"?

DM: I know very well I came up with it. I don't even know why I'm asking me that.

LM: Why have I decided to maintain two blogs?

DM: Well, the personal blog is just that - something I'll use to relate my personal experiences, while I envision the Gazette blog as leaning more towards topics of interest to a broader audience, but the two could cross over every once in a while, if I follow what I'm saying.

LM: Oh, I know exactly what I'm saying. I'm stealing from Peter to pay Paul.

DM: I don't even have Pay Pal.


JM: I've had just about enough of me. Case dismissed.

LM: But My Honor...

JM: That's 100 dollars for contempt of court. Would I like to try for 200?

LM: I'll see me in appeals court.

DM: Not if I see me first.

Take that, John Grishman.


  1. You need to find some friends, Ted !!! I'm sure Dan would agree. LOL

  2. Hey, invisible friends are still friends.

  3. Hi Ted,

    I gather by reading this blog that one dime bag was not enough. You had to have two did you? You still are the best read in town.

  4. I think I'm going to enjoy this. Let me strap myself in for the long haul.

  5. well, at least you'll never be alone!

  6. Larry, Curly and Moe...

    Who's on first?

  7. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul? I'm assuming you are referring to an incedent that occured in a Greenwich Village coffee house in the 1960's involving the folk singers Peter,Paul, and Mary. As it stands appearently the only witnesses to this alleged crime were Bob Dylan, the late Mary Travers and John Denver. As Dylan (the only living witness) had eaten too many brownies that evening to qualify as a credible witness you were right in dismissing the case.

  8. OMG - LM you have to speak to DM to explain that giggling through 2 blogs everyday or so (if I fall behind in my reading) could be difficult so if you insist on 2 I like the serious one for the Gazette and the slant to humor on the personal one :)

  9. You should speak to my wife... She's a legal assistant... She may be able to help you in your bird vs bird issue.

    Suddenly I see Ted wearing black and/or white dunce caps (a la Mad's spy vs. spy) This will not end well.


  10. Alway a treat to listen to you and now to read from you. from me myself and I...

  11. Hey Ted,
    Congrats on landing the Gazette blog, but I'm sorry to hear about your lawsuit. I'm sure you'll win, however. There's no way you have enough evidence to support a claim against yourself.

  12. Ted,

    Bird vs. Bird,,

    doesnt matter the lawyers make all the money
    and us tax payers pay for it!..


  13. Ummmm whatever you're smoking or taking you've gotta share lol!

  14. The Birdman just fell off of his branch, or was that Birdmen?