Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Putting the "pig" in pigskin

The NFL wanna-bes in Toronto are finally getting a US professional football expansion franchise, but it's not the one the vast majority of Queen City gridiron enthusiasts was hoping for.
The Lingerie Football League, which has been putting both the "pig" and the "skin" in pigskin since 2009, is bringing its unique brand of athletic pornography to Canada this fall by fielding the Toronto Triumph as its first franchise outside the US. The Triumph has already scored a minor publicity coup by recruiting linebacker and team captain Krista Ford, the niece of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, as part of a lineup that will also include such delicate flowers as Alexandra "The Animal" Grant, Gigi "Ironworker" Cignini and Momo Bonofski, who along with having a great football name even looks a little bit like Bronco Nagurski with boobs.
How a city that barely supports its CFL team is expected to support a Lingerie Football League franchise is beyond me. One can only assume its backers are gambling that in a metropolitain area of six million people, the Triumph can entice a sufficient number of sophmoric perverts to turn out on a regular basis to watch women play football in their underwear.
Not satisfied with offending a substantial portion of the female population by objectifying and degrading women, Lingerie Football League commissioner Mitch Mortaza has gone the extra mile by insulting the limited intelligence of his target demographic, claiming that while fans might initially come out for the T and A, they'll come back for the football.
Sure they will, Mitch, just like they come back to strip joints for the dancing and free buffet.


  1. Dunno but I think that your well of inspiration has finally run dry.
    I'm surprised by your righteous indignation and I'm shocked by your characterization of any man who would attend a Triumph game as a "sophomoric pervert" This from a man who likes his women when they bake him a pie!
    What about men who go to women's beach volleyball games? Those "athletes" wear even less clothing than the Lingerie League players. And how about the men who attend F1 races? Know anyone like that? Surely, most of them go to these events more for the racy things off the track than the racing on the track because the so called competition sucks (the last Montreal race is an exception because the race turned into a typical NASCAR race - it had plenty of crashes and took four hours to complete).
    What's wrong with some nice looking women playing some football and with people enjoying it? If it motivates them to do something useful or productive then more power to them.

  2. Whatever, Anonymous. Have the courtesy/courage to sign your name and I might take you seriously.