My friend Mark is as funny and articulate as anyone in the blogosphere, but too lazy/humble/indifferent to start his own blog, so he just writes gold and sends it to me. His observations need to be shared, for amusement's sake if not for the betterment of mankind.
October 10, 2011
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was at the Buffalo/Philly game on Sunday, and joined the broadcast crew to pay "tribute" to Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis. "He really was a legend of the game," old Roger said - without choking. Then the play-by-play guy had the poor taste to ask the Commish whether there might be a new trophy awarded by the NFL in Davis' honor.
If looks could kill.
Goodell mumbled something vague, but it's not difficult to imagine what he really wanted to say.
"Yes, Dan; I'm so glad you asked. I'd like to announce the creation of the 'Al Davis Ultra-Memorial Trophy' - awarded by the league only when we're really happy to hear that some miserable son of a bitch is finally dead. And it won't be easy to win it either. We'll require two separate autopsies from league-appointed physicians to confirm that the corpse hasn't got a twitch left in it.
"And this isn't going to be some lousy annual thing either. Nope, we gotta be genuinely delighted that the fucker's gone. It'll be sort of a 'Deathtime Achievement Award'. For example one obvious future winner of 'The Davis' will be O.J. Simpson (may he rest in peace, soonish). Of course they'll have to bury him face down so we can present it to him properly.
"Is that what you wanted to know, Dan? Huh? Is it?"
Commissioner Goodell was then gently guided back to the champagne brunch that he'd been enjoying.
P.S. If you don't get gravy on your elbows, you weren't really hungry.