Monday, March 26, 2012

They're dead, Jim


Following a long and half-hearted battle against indifference and inconsistency, the Montreal Canadiens' playoff chances passed away without a struggle Saturday night in Philadelphia. The Canadiens are survived - for the time being - by their lame duck coach, a deficient general manager and a loyal but increasingly frustrated and impatient fan base. Public visitation will be held at the Bell Center tomorrow night, next Wednesday and a week from Saturday before the Canadiens are interred at the bottom of the Eastern Conference, next to the New York Islanders. In lieu of flowers, donations to the "Buy Out Gomez and Kaberle" Foundation would be greatly appreciated...The frenzied applause and gushing media coverage that greeted Tiger Woods' first PGA Tour win since 2009 is all the proof anyone should need that the path to public forgiveness for massive characters flaws lies not in behavioral therapy, but in getting your putting game in order...If early season Formula One results are any kind of a harbinger, 2012 is going to be a lot more compelling than last season: two races, five different drivers and four different teams on the podium, and only one podium finish for Red Bull, which utterly dominated the circuit in 2011...My eyes are still readjusting from watching Saturday's Impact game against the Columbus Crew, who were head to toe in cornea-searing canary yellow, except their goalkeeper, who opted for a jarring shade of electric lime green...Apropos of nothing and submitted for your consideration, some baseball expressions that would also make good contemporary band names: First And Third, Caught Looking, Banjo Hitter, Chin Music, Can Of Corn and Toe The Rubber.

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